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About Me

2018-05-16 (Updated)


A Biography of John Mertz

Basically, I'm a 27 year-old dork living in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada... I word that a little more charitably in my resume:

I am engaged in all areas of the technology sector with a particular interest in Open Source and collaborative technologies. My strength is in dilligence, clear communication, critical thinking and ability to pick up new skills quickly. This has helped me to become successful in many roles in my career and to pursue inter- esting and challenging projects in my personal time. My contributions have improved the usability and functionality of software products, increased sales, developed new partnerships and solved many technical challenges. I want to continue learning and solving problems.

Don't you want to hire me now? But in case you aren't here to offer me a job, or perhaps if you are but want to know if we would get along on a human level first, then here's some information from my dating profile instead:

My Self Summary
I am:
a perfectly pleasant person who just happens to spend most of his time alone
a low-T, beta, lib-tard who sees value in compassion and emotional-intelligence, for some reason
good at plenty of things but too aggressively self-deprecating for anyone to notice

What I'm doing with my life
Typically being quite positive about the whole thing. Mostly I just smash on a keyboard and talk on the phone all day, then fiddle about with whatever shiny things catch my eye. But I have a good time with all of it.
Occasionally I visit all of the most exotic parts of the globe that are English-speaking and have a sustainable technology sector.
Messing with shiny things occasionally leaves me with cool stuff like [some of the things discussed on this website]. Mostly, I just build stuff which immediately confict with my minimalist sensibilities.

I'm really good at
writing long, alienating dating site profiles.

My golden rule
Most things in life resist simplicity but reward understanding

Favourite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I prefer my media to be informative, emotionally engaging or to take on big topics. I have little patience for violence, stereotypes, misogyny, and content that talks down to the audience. So... I don't watch a lot of TV or movies.
Aside from that, I'm one of those millennial hippies that doesn't actually own a TV or video games and I only have enough internet to read news, do dorky computer stuff and desperately refresh my [dating site] inbox.
I like most music but don't have terribly strong preferences. I default to Ambient, Jazz, Indie or somewhat embarrassing Electro Pop in the background. When actually intently listening to something I will always pick a podcasts and audiobook.
Foodwise, I'm utterly insufferable. I largely sustain myself with green smoothies, unsweetened peanut butter and homemade vegetarian bastardizations of a lot of ethnic foods. I'm a pretty okay cook outside of those staples too.

Six things I could never do without
Podcasts!
Black coffee.
Green tea.
Comedy.
A bike
Taxes. Or more so the public services that they provide.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Anything and everything. I may have ADHD but I'm too easily distracted to go get tested. I'm working on this with mindfulness and by sheer force of will.
I like to also think a lot about social issues, logic problems and various engineering or programming project I'm working on.
I don't have a particular faith or active feelings against faith, but I get a lot of enjoyment out of learning and thinking about both religious and secular philosophy. I reserve the right to run off and become a monk in India without notice.

You should message me
if you like caffeine and long walks on pavement. In my experience love at first sight is not a real thing and I've been in Ottawa for sort of an embarrassingly long time without making any close friends, so I'm really just looking to get to know other humans. If things start to click then that seems like a more sensible way to start dating than all of this swiping nonsense.
If you do weather a few social interactions and end up wanting to make them more frequent and intimate, then you should read below.
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I have several conscious lifestyle quirks which I do not expect anyone else to share, but which I expect to be respected by a partner:
I'm a vegetarian, primarily for environmental/sustainability reasons, but bend to the will of society when necessary.
I only super occasionally drink and don't smoke or do drugs. I pretty much got all of that out of my system before actually getting to the drinking age.
I have a GM license and have owned cars and bikes but hope to never have to drive regularly again.
I'm fairly minimalist. I've got some frivolous sentimental stuff, but dread the idea of having a massive house, a big lawn, and useless stuff to maintain and think about.
I don't really curse in conversation. I have nothing against it and I'll do it if you ask me to, for comic effect, or if I hammer my thumb, but I avoid making it a habit. Some people find this weird for some reason.
I don't really have any social media, although I've recently dipped my toe into twitter to keep up with local news. I will not connect with you on PinChat or InstaBook.
Despite the fact that I often try to make everything into a joke, emotional maturity and availability is pretty important to me.At this point my target demographic is pretty much the Amish, but unfortunately I'm also a skeptic by nature, I'm a slave to modern comforts and for some reason I can't seem to find any Amish folks online...

Not just everyone will post their actual online dating profile on their official website, but I can't be bothered to be uniquely creative and funny twice. Plus, I could use all of the opportunities I can get. If there is anything else a normal person would put on this page, let me know.